Sandra Okpara®

Notes On Friendship


Notes On Friendship

 In TV Friendships, we see the unlikely friendship between Troy and Abed in Community, Lorelai and Sookie in Gilmore Girls. Joey and Ross in Friends, despite the messiness with Rachel. Lovely in theory? Yes. But reality? Immediately no.

As kids, we declare BFFs during break time, just to experience painful friendship breakups as pre-teens. Our lives, once centered around who to sit next to in class, suddenly become a swamp of work commitments, dating, and extracurricular activities. We make friendship the basis of our young lives, only to discover that in adulthood things change, people change and friendships falter. 


My friends and I don’t speak every day. They can’t drop everything at a moment’s notice, because they have their own lives. We’re all time-poor. Arranging a friend date involves a ton of effort, incompatible calendars, partners, and priorities.

I read somewhere they said ‘Friendship, to me, isn’t about birthday cards, or smiling selfies, or how long you’ve known each other. It’s about knowing that that person is flawed and busy and not always available, and choosing to be in their life anyway.’ While I agree, I will always find it absurd to dismiss acts like birthday epistles, cards, or any other form of affection your friend is into. Friendships are important.


Undoubtedly, I am not the world’s greatest friend. And yet, I hope my friends know that I’m hereAs a confidant, a brunch date, and a judgment-free zone. Because, my god, I love my friends. Whether we see each other regularly, or once in a blue moon. I love them for their wit, compassion, their honesty, and their courage. I love them for their openness. I love them for cheering me on, even from afar. I love cheering them on. 

Maybe, as we navigate adulthood and all it entails, that’s what true, realistic, and long-lasting friendship is all about. Maybe having a best friend who knows your secrets, phone passcode, and favorite type of boba isn’t realistic for all of us. And that’s okay. Maybe having several friends, all with their delights, is the key to a profound and fulfilling life. 


Sometimes the bonds of friendship grow, and other times they break. But a friendship doesn’t have to be persistent or permanent to have a profound effect on your life. When someone good is “happening” to you, make the most of it and enjoy the process so that you don’t look back and regret it. Understanding that life happens and phases that tied you and a friend together expire. Some friends we knew during our childhood are still our friends but not in the way they were to us during childhood. There are some friends we had in our past whom we have no idea where they are now. 

In many ways, friendship in adulthood is one of the highest forms of love imaginable. Unlike marriage, there are no financial benefits or ceremonial recognition. It’s simply two people, meeting up, for the sake of conversation. It’s beautiful. I think some friendships are timeless. They are meant to survive every phase and stage of one’s life. Always leave room for change. We can never be too sure about anyone. We can only hold onto faith and hope that our friends remain our friends for as long as possible. Change is constant.


 If a friendship that was beautiful falls apart, mourn it and move on. 

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